I want to help
by ayrenni
Summary: Alex Karev is reflecting on his reasons for becoming a doctor. Oneshot. Please read and review!


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Author's Note: Here is a little fic about my favourite character Alex Karev of the show Grey's Anatomy. The thought just kind of came into my mind and refused to leave so I had to write it down. And if you find any major spelling or grammar mistakes, blame the time of creation of the story, because here in Germany it's already after midnight.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone of the show and I don't make any money by writing about this fandom.

Summary: Alex Karev is reflecting on his reasons for becoming a doctor.

Read and review please!

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**I want to help**

"I want to help", that's what he had answered Christina as she had asked him why he had chosen to become a doctor. They had all started to laugh. They didn't believe him. And how could they?

He was Alex Karev, alias evil spawn, asshole, bastard, jerk or plain egomaniac. He would never do anything that didn't serve his own purpose. Or that's what they thought about him. What he made them think about himself.

But the only true answer was the one he had given. He wanted to learn how to help people, how to be someone who didn't aggravate a situation by making it even more serious than it already was. He wanted to be the one to solve the problem, wanted to be the hero.

He had never been that person and he had thought that a doctor could only be someone like that. Only heroes were doctors. Doctors were heroes. They did heroic things like saving lives, so they had to be heroes.

He had never been able to help anyone. He had had to watch his mother being beaten to a pulp almost every night. He had had to listen to her screams, wishing for the noise to stop and at the same time wishing for her to keep on screaming so that someone might call the police, might help her, and do what he couldn't.

He had to watch his mother trying to cover her bruises with too much makeup. The bruises that were the reminders of his helplessness, of his inability to protect her. And he couldn't make it all better. He had tried but by trying to stop his father he had had to learn that he only made everything worse.

He hadn't only failed his mother. He had failed his father, too. He had asked Alex to help him stop drinking and help him become a better person. He had put all his faith in his son and once again Alex was not able to make everything alright.

Once again Alex didn't refuse his fathers request as he wanted his boy to go to the gas station and get him alcohol. Alex had been frightened. He was afraid for his mom, of the things his father would do to her if he didn't get his alcohol. He couldn't risk his mother's life. But he should have helped his father.

He could have made everything alright. He could have saved them, if he had already been a doctor then, if he had already been a hero then. But he wasn't. And maybe he never would be. But he had to try.

He had never been the one to save anyone, but that was exactly the thing he craved desperately. He remembered the one day that he decided he had had enough of his dad. He thought about the hard training he had gone through to be able to beat him.

He remembered the day he threw his father out of his own flat. He hadn't been able to save him so he at least wanted to help his mother get away from his father. He wanted her to be safe.

But he hadn't been able to save her, either. He had been too late. She had screamed at Alex for throwing her husband out, for taking him from her, for making her lonely. She had accused Alex of trying to make her unhappy. And then she had thrown him out as well. He hadn't been able to help her. As usual.

Alex had been the one to make everything only worse, for his whole life.

And he wanted to learn how to change that, he wanted to learn how to help.

He wanted to learn how to save someone else so that one day, someone even might be thinking about saving him.

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